I’ve been writing what feels like my entire life. I remember loving books as a kid and creating my own and giving them to my mom as gifts. I wrote poetry (and still do) and short stories. There were many attempts at novels, but at my young age, those didn’t get far. In middle and high school, I remember thinking that writing was what I did and what I wanted to do with my life. But without the support and encouragement I needed, it merely became a hobby and dream.
By the time I graduated high school and was expected to go to college, I didn’t know what I wanted to do. Nothing interested me as much as literature and writing, so I took general studies the first two years and hoped that something would call to me that I could use to have a career and make a living. That was the important thing for my family–find something that has a future and makes money. Being introverted and lacking confidence didn’t help my challenge. So, after two years and a degree in general studies, I was stuck. I didn’t know what to do next or where to finish school.
I eventually found a school in Baltimore that appealed to me and the only thing I wanted to do there was study English literature and writing. So I did, and it was a wonderful, memorable couple of years. I think back on my classes, my professors and my classmates fondly and often. Those years learning, participating in writing workshops and reading alone in the library between classes was magical. I didn’t care about what would happen after I earned my degree. I just enjoyed the world of literature and writing, and I didn’t want it to end.
But it did end. I had to face the future. I knew that I could write, that I did have potential, and writing was definitely a part of me and always would be. I still lacked the confidence to fully move forward with my writing, but it was there and I held onto it.
Fast forward twenty-five years. Looking at my successes and failures, my published works, my creative projects, all of them mean something significant to me. I’ve matured as a person and changed as a writer through the years. Today, I’m drawn into writing memoir. I’ve always been fascinated and inspired by other people’s stories, and I always wanted to write my own. But other than journaling and writing short pieces in college, I didn’t attempt my memoir until NaNoWriMo 2022. I finished the challenge, writing 50,000 words of a first draft. I put it aside, not wanting to peek at it, because I was scared. I didn’t know what it was really about. I didn’t have a particular theme or structure and I felt stuck. For guidance, I called on a few friends who wrote incredible memoirs, but ultimately I knew this was on me. Memoir is, of course, deeply personal, and I knew I’d have to figure this out for myself.
Some days I wonder why. Why memoir and why now? Do I really think people would be interested in my life in any way? And another problem is focus. When I finally read my NaNoWriMo draft, I realized I included all kinds of stuff and offered no order. I was immediately frustrated. And I wondered again why I felt called to write memoir.
I’d written fiction for years and was very comfortable with the process. And I loved creating characters and their stories. Memoir put me in a box–and I was suffocating in it. But it didn’t stop me from going back to that draft and writing more. It didn’t stop me from wanting and needing to focus on my life and why I am who I am. Maybe it’s my age. I’m approaching fifty, and I feel like I’m ready to work through the hard stuff, the dark stuff. Maybe it’s time to accept the choices I made, both good and bad. Maybe it’s time to embrace who I was and who I am now. Maybe I want to write memoir to finally put my past and all its messiness where it belongs and look forward to today and the future that remains.
I know that writing this memoir is for me and whether I publish it or not, whether people read it or not, doesn’t matter. I hope if it is published, it does help or inspire someone. But this one writing project is for me and, for that reason, it’ll be the best writing I’ve ever done.
***How do you feel about memoir? Have you written yours, in the process or thinking about it? Please share.
The Second Chance Writer 