Location, Location, Nope

When I was a kid, I longed for something different, something more than my suburban Maryland neighborhood gave me. I wanted to be at the beach in Ocean City, or in the desert in Tucson. I loved traveling because that meant I didn’t have to be in the same boring places all the time–my house, school, Laurel Mall.

It wasn’t until I was in my early twenties when I was finally able to truly explore life outside my Maryland bubble. Sure, there were fun places in my home state, but I’d seen them, done them. And I was sick of the weather, the cold winters and humid summers. So when I boarded a plane headed to Tucson, Arizona, I was stoked.

I fell in love with this amazingly, wonderful different state. Arizona had blue skies, sunshine and cactus! Oh, how I loved the desert like I knew I would! The palm trees, the saguaro, the mountains in the distance. I loved that most yards weren’t grass and bushes, but pebbles, stones and desert plants. It was January and the winter Arizona sun was welcome and comfortable. Everything about this new place, this awesome place, hooked me and I knew I wanted to live there.

I realize today that back then, although I loved Arizona, I was merely looking for a new location. A physical location that would make me feel happy, make my soul come alive. A place I could escape from all the negative, awful mistakes and problems I had in Maryland. And escape from myself.

I never went to Arizona to live, or Florida, which became my second targeted escape location. I didn’t go because back then, I didn’t have the guts to leave everything and everyone I knew, and I hated myself for it. Instead, I spiraled into a depression in my Maryland bubble, not able to move forward there or anywhere else.

For years, I believed I could start a new life, become a new, better version of myself if I moved to a different location–the further away the better. Maybe that does work for some people, but I know it wouldn’t have for me. I eventually found my husband and a creative life worth living, people who care about me. I don’t know if I would’ve had that if I moved to Tucson or Ocean City or Key West.

I believe my heart knew best all those years ago when I chose to remain in Maryland. And those years weren’t the greatest, but eventually became the best years of my life. Today, I live in western Pennsylvania, a place I enjoyed spending weekends visiting family, but never wanted to live in full time. Yet, here I am. And I moved here not to run away from Maryland or myself, but to be closer to my family. It was a calling that my husband and I couldn’t ignore.

Now, three years in, I don’t miss Maryland and I don’t dream about living anywhere else. I’ve made a life here, appreciating what I have in my new area and who I am here. Who I’ve become. Do I still love Arizona and Florida? Yes! Do those stunning places still give me joy and inspiration? Definitely. And I’ll visit whenever an opportunity presents itself. But I don’t need to live in those places to change and grow as a person. My heart is happy right here with my husband and family. I enjoy the mountains, the trees, the wildlife that surrounds me. My soul has learned that it’s not location, location, location. It’s about the work we do within, the approval and contentment we find inside ourselves that matters. I used the location I was born into as a reason to complain and become stagnant. It takes love, encouragement, and trust to become who you’re meant to be no matter where you are physically.

I don’t know if I’ll spend the rest of my days here in PA, or if I find myself in Tucson or Key West or somewhere else I might discover one day. But I’m not looking to leave or run away in hopes I’ll be happier or more fulfilled. Desiring warmer weather and less snow is enough reason for a lot of people to leave the northeast, but I’m going to revel in the knowledge that I discovered who I really am and appreciate it and my life right here.

Do you love where you live or are you planning a move?